Cards you’ve been dealt

A few months back, my friend introduced me to Soulful Revolution, a YouTube channel for mindful, spiritual tarot readings which are meant to offer guidance to people who, like me, are trying to understand the free-flowing energy of love, and how we can channel it into our lives, by making emotionally educated choices about the way we think, feel, speak and act.
Around the same period, I became conscious of the concept of abundance, the unhindered manifestation of the Divine in all aspects of our existence, of which Mary Jo (the beautiful soul behind Soulful Revolution) often speaks in her readings, in a very simple equation: abundance is the result of acting out of love, as opposed to acting out of fear. And since God equals love, and love equals abundance, you do the maths…
While I may not know much about tarot, I have come to understand that the Devil card refers to karmic connections related to choices made out of fear and disbelief in the Divine grace and generosity. Since I am quite observant of patterns and storylines, I have recently started seeing the equation of love and abundance being put to the test, in and around me. I have become aware of the consequences that choosing out of fear may have in people’s lives, especially when it comes to relationships and intimacy.
Due to societal pressure, to unrealistic ideas of what one’s life should look like by a certain age, to the fear of never finding a suitable partner, or someone to love you, to the expectations related to having a family life, many people end up in relationships that make them feel trapped, unhappy, dissatisfied, or simply numb. I have recently observed two such people, dear friends, who are struggling to cope with partners they have chosen from a place of fear, from a place of not trusting that they could be happy – either single, or with another fellow soul who would vibrate at the same height of energy and spiritual development as themselves.
The discourse they used to justify their choice, or rather, to convince, to trick themselves into believing that a wrong choice is in fact a good one, was remarkably similar. Partly altruistic (“She’d suffer if I leave her”), partly idealistic (“She loves me”), partly pragmatic (“She’d make a great mother for my children”), yet entirely fabricated and imaginary.
And this process of going against oneself, of disregarding the red flags for the sake of compromising into a relationship which offers breadcrumbs of love is what makes so many of us miserable and untrusting of true, unconditional, limitless love.


As you already know, I have recently given in to the curiosity of exploring romance via Tinder. It was a very short-lived attempt, because I am all too aware of how people’s energies affect me and interfere with my freedom of existing, of allowing my soul to expand and take in the new experience. One of my Tinder matches, who had been invested in doing the consistent work of pursuing me, calling, sending voice messages, coming over, truly making me believe that he was being genuine – disappeared without a trace when I decided that sex on the first date is not something I am comfortable with doing at this point in my life.
Although I often tend to think little of myself, and this experience did shake me a bit, making me doubt my worth and attractiveness, I was relieved and proud to have listened to my intuition, to not have budged away from my standards, from my principles, from my belief that I deserve to be pursued in a manner which is respectful of my boundaries, which is gentle and considerate of the fact that love and intimacy are like bread, they need to take their sweet time to grow and develop into something beautiful.
Having let go of the disappointment and bitter taste of this experience, along with my Tinder account, I was surprised to see that things can be easily turned around, when my “last standing” Tinder match confessed to having gone through a creative and painstaking process of filming the screen of his phone with another device, so that he could get a glimpse of the millisecond preview of the conversation we have had before I deleted my account, in order to retrieve my phone number.
I am glad to report that we spent a lovely afternoon together, participating in all the entertaining activities that the Afrique en Couleurs Festival had to offer, singing, dancing, trying some of the snacks, watching a fashion show, each of us living the experience in his own way, at his own pace, freely and independently from one another, yet together, sharing a smile, an insight, a story, a moment.
So, to you, fellow friend, wanting to be loved, appreciated, cherished, valued, admired, pursued, cared for… as cliché as it may sound, start by loving yourself and by showing yourself the understanding that you need: understanding of your wants and needs, of where you find yourself in the journey to fulfilment, of where you want to go next and what kind of energy you want in your company. Start by being uncompromising about your desires and standards, start by respecting your values, your time, your body and your emotions. Abundance will undoubtedly follow.

Love,
Vladiana

Published by curvybuddha

Exploring spirituality with the same curiosity and love of humankind that drove me to become an anthropologist, I started CurvyBuddha on the 1st of January 2019, as a project of self-discovery. Peppered with personal reflections, pop culture references, a sprinkle of naughtiness, mystical intel and tarot analogies, my journey has become one of self-love. I am happy to share my findings with you, in hope they will help you on your own path, fellow friend.

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