Multilingualism of love

Two years ago, my father was driving me to the airport, as I was heading out on a romantic escape, with a man whose intentions and commitment I was having some doubts about, due to what I considered a lack of communication. Therefore, I asked my dad, “Dad, how many times should a man contact a woman, in order to show that he’s interested?”
As per my father, a man should talk to his sweetheart daily, at least to check on her and to reinforce the connection. This, I believe, stretches far beyond romantic relationships; because we naturally feel an urge to talk to those we love, to feel their presence and to make sure they are doing well. Some people I communicate with on a daily basis, we text all throughout the day, sharing thoughts, jokes, concerns, epiphanies, successes or struggles.
While most men may not be great communicators, they do however make sure to be present in the lives of the people they care for, in some way or form. For instance, fathers may take their kids to classes or play with them, husbands may take their wives on dates or call to check how they are doing, and loving boyfriends might buy small gifts or send a cheesy message at precisely 3 p.m., to let their girls know they are thinking about them.
When we share a living space with the people that we care for, expressing our love in concrete, practical, even material ways is much easier to achieve, and therefore, outranking spoken or written communication in the order of priorities makes less of an impact. Nevertheless, in the case of a long distance friendship or relationship, talking takes the place of a wide range of activities that one cannot physically share, for obvious reasons.

One of my absolute favourite reads is the Little Prince and more specifically, the 21st chapter, about the encounter with the fox, who explains relationships and interactions in terms of mutual “taming”, a process of earning each other’s trust, being responsible and protective of the established connection and nurturing it in a constant and meaningful manner.
Once a specific pattern and frequency of interaction is set into place – that constitutes a foundation for the future interactions between two individuals. Without that consistency and respect for prior arrangements, as the fox of the Little Prince would put it, “I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you”. Thus, love becomes a process of reciprocal care, constant give and receive, without taking the connection for granted, yet being perpetually grateful, reassured and confident of the strong bond, because of the love and care constantly showered upon one another.
On Sunday evening, I was talking to my friend about our expectations from a relationship, and we decided to try a little experiment, in which we were going to be our own boyfriends for the next two weeks, in order to figure out what is was we wanted from our romantic partners. To me, it revolved around the idea of spending time doing meaningful and uplifting things together, as well as receiving the verbal assurance of appreciation for my contribution to the relationship. I am technically a dog; I need to be played with and be called a “good girl”.
It instantly dawned on me that it all boils down to understanding the love language of one another, being fluent in the partner’s love language. According to Gary Chapman, the author of a book called “The Five Love Languages”, we each understand or communicate love in one of the following ways: receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch. We may master each of these languages to some degree, but some will be predominant.
In this context, the conversation of two years ago with my dad quickly came to mind. Since my Freudian approach to relationships often paid off, I understood that, in fact, I had no example of such constant and committed communication with the most important man of my life, my dad. Therefore, I texted him explaining that I interact with the people closest to my heart every day, and therefore, I needed the practice and the tangible proof of fatherly love, by being in touch with him on a daily basis.
I am happy to report that today is the third consecutive day that my father texts me, bright and early, to greet me, to exchange news and thoughts and to join me in my research of things to know, sights to see and foods to try during my upcoming trip to Africa. I have to say, it makes me extremely happy to be able to share such an experience with my dad, and to further my knowledge on the many manifestations of love.
Love transpires through the little gestures that bring us closer together, create complicity and make us feel safe and accepted. Pick up the phone and text the people who mean something for you. Let them know you care for them, set up a meeting, cook a dinner or go out dancing together, tell them you appreciate their existence in your life, offer to help them with something they are struggling with, hug them, kiss them, make love to them, buy them flowers or tickets to a movie, a concert, or a game.
My fellow friend, I urge you to practice the Duolingo of human interaction. In order to solidify your status as a love polyglot and your bond with the people you love, make it your mission to spend a few moments every day learning and communicating in another language of love.


Freedom and boundaries

Of the many crazy things that my high-school history teacher used to say, one has stuck with me throughout the years: “My liberty ends where yours begins”. Simply put, we can do anything we want, as long as we do not harm the other. This, however, may not be as clear-cut as it seems.
We sometimes get stuck in the victim mentality, and we believe everything that happens to us is a given fact that we have little or no say about, and therefore must bear through it and take it for what it is. The immense amount of bad things and injustices we allow into our lives, we allow happening to us, are mainly another twisted form of fear.
We don’t challenge the status quo because we fail to see the way forward and we have no hope in the betterment of our situation. Which is precisely why we accept and obey whatever we imagine the Universe wants to put us through, not setting boundaries, not stating our position and enforcing our standards.
Being a victim is allowing and inviting the aggressor to pursue their hurtful behaviours, for lack of clarity and lack of courage to stand up for what we deserve. Which in turn comes from a lack of self-knowledge, self-awareness and self-confidence.
I remember my first meditation, when I became aware of the vastness of my aura. I had never thought or imagined that my being spreads far beyond the limits of my physical body. And there it was, surrounding me with a halo of warm light, filling the room, filling the whole town, filling the entire world and expanding into the universe. My aura. My beautiful, strong, nurturing, impeccable, divinely designed energetic field, which had the capacity to encompass everything around it. I was absolutely mesmerised.
Therefore, I understood that my liberty ends where my awareness of who I am ends, and the more distorted my self-perception is, the more I allow someone else’s liberty to fill up the available space between us. Said differently, by not being in our power, we give our power to an external source, and we then become so used to the energetic cage we trap ourselves in, that we turn completely oblivious to what our initial boundaries had been.
Many people understand karma as some kind of cosmic ass-whooping, when, in fact, karma is more of an energetic slingshot, which comes back and smacks you in the face, when you have pulled too hard and have not respected the rules of physics … or common sense. Sometimes, it is our resistance or resilience that we pull on far too hard, and karma is there to raise awareness and make us understand that being stubborn in carrying too heavy of a burden is also a form of hybris.

That is a difficult task even for the people who are doing a lot of self-work, self-healing and self-development. Sometimes, when we have awakened to our own contribution to our misery, we start re-assessing our boundaries and claiming our rights. Yet, I have seen this often lately, with the brilliant women in my life, and with myself. Once we notice something that we are displeased with or hurt by and we speak up, we immediately feel guilty or at the least uncomfortable.
My good friend tells me on a weekly basis: “I think I was mean”, and then goes ahead to describe a situation in which she had simply reinforced her own position and standards about the interaction with another person, who had clearly disregarded any boundaries. And it amazes me at times that an intelligent and introspective person as herself could ever doubt that her actions were just and justified.
The other day, my sister said the same, after having clarified her intentions concerning her own life and her decisions for the upcoming period, when she needs to invest all her energy into herself and the construction of her own path, therefore not having any to spare for the people who claim it as their legitimate right and property.
I have busted myself several times saying I was “bitchy”, when I had simply stated my standards, in full awareness that I had been very kind and considerate and that my requirements or observations were not in the slightest absurd or unfitting. Yet the fear of hurting someone else’s feelings was much stronger than the truth that I had to stand up for, although I understand it’s the only way to solve the situation which had brought me discomfort or distress, and I am grateful that I am becoming more and more committed to being self-nurturing and faithful to my truth.
On a different note, one of my recurrent reflections lately is related to the ways in which we often seek instant gratification and end up being self-harming, because we need to evade from our overall dissatisfaction with the life we live. Alcohol, drugs, excessive eating, these are all ways to award ourselves for making it through another day. I have however come to realise that true, pure happiness will never be found in things which are intrinsically harmful.
This is not to say that I will not enjoy my occasional gin and tonic, my night out or my box of chocolates. I will however be aware that instead of doing that, I might want to sit in meditation position, get to know my aura, explore my limits and my needs, act upon them and only then reward myself with a nice treat. The gratification will be all the more intense, for I will have acted from a place of strength and self-love.


Grin and bear it

Over the past few weeks, I have taken several kinds of vaccine shots to protect myself from contracting a wide variety of exotic diseases that I could potentially be exposed to, during my trip to the Ivory Coast next month.
Nevertheless, no amount of vaccination can increase your immunity to heartache and emotional hurt. Which I have had plenty of for the past two days; during which I have been continuously tested on my capacity to create my own defence and prevention mechanism to overcome emotional diseases.
As you may recall, I had enrolled for an intensive kizomba class a while ago, having vowed to get out of my comfort zone and to learn something new by the time of my 30th birthday. Of course, I assumed dance would be a fun and interactive way to meet new people and to feel more independent and more self-confident. I was excited to start doing something alone, for myself, when I got an e-mail reading something along the lines of: “This course prioritises people with partners, since you have enrolled alone, we cannot accept your application.”
I must confess that I did not take that very well, having spent my whole last evening sobbing and thinking very poorly of my social status as a single woman at the age of 30, and my incapacity to have a partner – be it even for a few hours of a dance class a week.
To add insult to injury, I found myself having to understand that sometimes, even the people closest to our heart can say or do hurtful things. Whether they do it intentionally or not, knowingly or not, we end up in situations where we are faced with two choices: feel misheard, misunderstood or misrepresented or rather calling the bluff and confronting people with their actions and words, to see if it adds up or not.
Finally, I also received a blast from the past, a surprise call from someone whom I had asked to respect me enough as to not contact me, unless they had something significant to say or a positive and enriching contribution to make to my existence. I doubt that was the case, because the phone call ended abruptly after a quick exchange of pleasantries.
I realised that the Universe has an interesting way of teaching us lessons, of shaking the unrealistic expectations to the core, of crumbling all connections built on superficial and dishonest grounds. Furthermore, it sends us ugly, distorted, unpleasant mirrors, so that we can see the ugly within and be able to remove it, like a disease that you heal from with the right treatment.
And what better medication for our soul, than some good old self-loving? I have decided that the people who want me around, have to put in the effort and investment of building meaningful, honest, straightforward, heart-warming, mind-boggling and soul-lifting connections with me, because I care enough to do the same.

I have decided that I love myself enough to not allow people to play me for a fool, to take advantage of my clean and honest feelings and intentions and taint them with their fears or hesitations, to make me feel out of place with their lies, just because they want to preserve a fake impression of strength or integrity.
A Romanian proverb says, “Water flows, rocks remain”. The closest equivalent that comes to mind is “reason, season or lifetime people”. That is to say, the people and experiences that have a weight and meaning will always linger with us, whereas the ones that are superficial and even harmful to our karmic journey will get washed away by the stream of life. I understand that my decision to walk a path of mindfulness and love might result in having very few travel companions. Gladly, the Universe will be there to strain the positive from the negative and will always make sure that I get my fair share of providential fortune, even when I may fail to see that at first.
As of now, I am walking on sunshine. Alone. Confidently, for I know that my wonderful tribe is walking right beside me, my brave and strong ancestors right behind me, whereas my heart guides me like a blessed lighthouse, towards those decisions, circumstances, situations and people that will make my life a continuous journey through Heaven on Earth.
Today, a group of wonderful women shared a most unpleasant experience with me, of a man trying to belittle them and make them feel inappropriate for simply conversing and laughing at a table next to his, in the cafeteria. My natural reaction to this unjustified absurdity was to laugh, which was welcome as a very positive and empowering attitude, for that would have defied this man’s smallness and put him in his rightful place. It reminded me of the Boggart-Banishing Spell of Harry Potter, a charm that turns one’s fear into something humorous and ridiculous, taking away its ability to terrorise.
Therefore, my fellow friend, I urge you to take yourself, your disappointments and your challenges less seriously, to poke fun and take the bright side of all that is being thrown your way, because, in the end, keeping a positive attitude and a fierce, fearless demeanour when faced with difficulties is the biggest proof of strength and self-love.


Fear of the dark

I have spent much of the past weeks wrapped up in an emotional cocoon, in a general mode of emotional self-preservation, trying to make a sense of the range of feelings I have been experiencing in the past while, trying to come to terms with my position in regards to certain situations or people.
You may recall that a while ago I was priding myself with having started to do things by myself. As with all healthy habits, that requires practice and exercise, it requires actually moving and taking an active step in that direction, even when you don’t really feel like it. Especially when you don’t feel like it.
I decided that the best solution is to pull myself out of numbness and inertia and start doing things alone again. I started looking for concerts and shows. I even attended an open dance class, which was much more fun and rewarding than I had expected. One thing we were taught was to keep a respectful distance and to allow the gap between your body and that of your partner close naturally, through organic connection.
Men greedily and inconsiderately crossing that intimacy border too soon is the main reason I never really enjoyed social dances, because I am someone who needs time, safety and reassurance before I can fully open up and welcome someone into my aura. Last weekend I had a bit of an emotional meltdown, while I was attending a Latino party.
While I was practicing my kizomba basics, I was approached by a guy who, although quite polite and friendly, was coming off as a tad too insistent and overeager, inquiring about my romantic life and trying to convince me to go out and get to know him, less than 2 minutes after we had started dancing with each other. Regardless of my general incapacity to say a firm “no” for fear of hurting other people’s feelings, for the first time in my life I knew better than to compromise.
As I walked away, I was already in tears, wondering whether I would ever meet a guy who takes accountability for his actions, who stands in his truth, who speaks straightforwardly about his intentions, who respects me and my intelligence enough not to talk in riddles, who is constant in his actions, who displays unconstrained affection, who understands that showing and expressing love won’t mean he is giving up power. Much on the contrary, that would make him much more of a man to my eyes, for he chooses to stand in his truth, to embrace love fearlessly, knowing I would be there along the way.

When I first had a birth chart reading, I was told that part of my 5th house (of love and creation) was in Pisces, sign of things which are hidden or secret. Simply put, one aspect of that meant I would have a lot of secret love stories. Much to my surprise, that has been the case most, if not all times. Which, of course, implies that you don’t truly get to establish stable and fulfilling connections with people, because something… or someone, gets in the way.
Nevertheless, the other, larger slice of my 5th house is in Aquarius, the sign of freedom, friendship and revolutionary vision. My New Year’s resolution was to shift my love paradigm and embrace love stories which bring me a sense of freedom, of friendship, of shared vision. I didn’t realise that would backfire by making me all the less patient or willing to put up with men who are dragging their feet, who are playing emotional games, who are unwilling to commit or to be blunt about their stance.
A couple of days ago I was discussing my fear of the dark with my friend, in both a physical and metaphysical sense. I went as far as to say that to me, darkness is a form of emotional suicide, because that state of “pitch black” triggers fear within me, fear that I associate with the loss of all hope, with the dissociation of existence itself. That paralysing fear of not knowing who or where you are, not knowing what you are capable of. As a reference, I warmly suggest you watch Nosso Lar.
Today, as I write this, I realise that I associate darkness with things that are hidden, with the murkiness of lie or half-truth. I like my truths right in front of my eyes, where I can see them. I am a highly positive person, I make it my goal to radiate light and warmth within and around me, so that myself and those I care for may move out of the darkness, into a place of light and hope. I am the living example of Plato’s Caveman, who has seen the light and refuses to go back into the dark. And when the others refuse to join you onto a path of light, you simply have to continue alone.
I am no longer willing to accept lukewarm people in my life. I want a travel companion who is in for the long run, who will be my partner in this journey of figuring life out, as we move confidently in harmony, in truth, in mutual respect and admiration, as we allow the other’s shadow side to come to light, as we hold each other’s hand when we deal with struggles, as we cheer for each other when we take a step forward, as we walk side by side when we need a moment alone, as we stop to contemplate the view when we need a moment to recompose or to recalibrate our compass. And most essentially, as we offer one-another free, friendly, visionary love.


Healthy mind in a healthy body

I am a few months and a few life lessons away from being a full-fledged adult. Whereas more and more people seem to believe that 30s are the new 20s, in order to justify the fact that they are far from having their life together by that age, I have come to understand that my body and my mind are absolutely determined to make life lessons much tougher to digest and much more difficult to avoid. Until I finally decide that it is time to take full accountability for my actions, walk the talk and act the part of a responsible grown-up.
Therefore, the past few days have been peppered with essential lessons on maturity, covering a wide spectrum of experiences, ranging from overcoming mindlessness, to practicing self-love, to allowing myself time to recalibrate into my higher power and my higher sense of self, and culminating with physical manifestations of my newly acquired wisdom.
It all started last Thursday night, when I drank much more than I would like to admit. My fellow trainee and I decided that our reunion called for celebration, which we have certainly overdone. It was fun, don’t get me wrong, but as I tried to drift into sleep, I could feel my body aching in the agony and confusion of why I had mistreated it and desacralized it in such a vile and cowardly manner.
Waking up hungover, I realised I had to go the extra mile to apologise and fix the harm done, wondering what was inside of me that I had tried to kill with alcohol the previous night. I pampered and mothered myself all throughout the weekend. Drinking tons of water, getting myself nice, copious breakfasts and hearty lunches (which I would have skipped otherwise), rewarding myself with organic teas and natural smoothies and juices.
I have come to realise that my body needs the same amount of care, consideration and affection on every given day; the same awareness, the same cautiousness and mindful treatment that I only thought of giving it at a time of extreme crisis. The Latins had figured a healthy mind could only exist in a healthy body, lesson they probably learned from their excessive lifestyles.

Self-nurture is essential to survival and it comes in many shapes and forms. Knowing our own limits is a matter of trial and error and learning from one’s mistakes, yet sometimes mistakes seem to perpetuate themselves and end up hurting us, as many times as it takes, as often as necessary for us to understand that we must exit certain patterns of behaviour, for our own sake and our own integrity.
When our bodies start demanding their right to healthy food, healthy sleep schedules, a healthy work-life balance, it is a sign that we have caused severe pain and trauma, which we must absolutely refrain from and redeem ourselves from, in order to continue functioning. To mark the graduation from this important learning cycle, my body has rewarded me with yet another wisdom tooth, keeping me pinned to my bed and forcing me to give it the much-deserved rest it needed.
Today, my fellow friend, I invite you to spend a few quiet moments with yourself, to listen to what your body has to say. To become aware of its wants and needs, of its pains, sorrows and hurts. Take a while to understand how your lifestyle and choices affect this fragile casing of flesh and bones that your very soul resides in, the well-being of which your very existence depends on. Give yourself the opportunity to connect with your humanity, with your vulnerability, with the fact that you are ephemeral and therefore, you need safety, protection, love and care.
Be mindful of your body, so that you may consequently push the boundaries of your mind. The healthier your body is, the healthier your mind will grow to be. Offer yourself the gift of peace; offer yourself the rest, the love, the time and space that you need, the seclusion, the company, the comfort, the pampering that you need to feel happy and balanced. Have the experiences and make the decisions for the sake of which your body, mind and spirit agree to come in alignment.
Don’t give in to peer pressure, don’t compromise on your standards for the sake of fitting into anyone’s expectations. Don’t be afraid to say “no” and to stop when your boundaries and limits have been crossed, even when the one trespassing or pushing you into unbalance is your own self. Don’t hesitate to reinforce your personal limits, in order to maintain the harmonious co-existence of your human body and divine spirit.
If you ever feel you are “too old for this shit”, you probably are. Yet that has nothing to do with your biological age. It simply means you are experienced and wise enough to act in your best interest, being aware of the consequences of your actions and taking accountability for those actions that cause you pain. In other words, age is but a number. The number of the mistakes you made, of the lessons you learned, of the experiences you had and of the times you decided to act from a place of self-love.


Living Water

Each morning, I start my day by gulping down two or three glasses of water, I continue by drinking nearly a full bottle throughout my workday, make sure to thoroughly hydrate once I get back home from work and once more before going to bed. Interestingly enough, I have come to learn that the people closest to me have the same water drinking patterns.
Now, water is scientifically indispensable to life, and I was happy to know that my tribe is aware just how important water is to sustaining their vitality. Suddenly, it dawned on me that, in Romanian folktales, when the antihero defeats the hero; a compassionate soul (generally the princess) pours Living Water onto his remains, bringing him back to life, so that he may successfully fulfil his life mission, that of defeating the evil forces and freeing those in need.
Apparently, the Living Water is a biblical concept, which loosely refers to God, as a “spring of living water”. As you may well be aware by now, I am a firm believer that God is Love. If God is Love, and Living Water is God… you do the maths. The equation, therefore, can be translated as: when we love someone truly, our love offers them the necessary life force to accomplish their purpose on Earth. Through love, we support each other in being better humans and being better ourselves.
When people are out of touch with their purpose, when they are not striving for their betterment and for being of service to humanity, they greedily drink the Living Water, without understanding its value, without appreciating its refreshing, renewing, empowering force. That is, when, my fellow friend, your story must find a new hero, who will live up to his challenge of fighting evil by your side.
The past week has been one of profound karmic cleansing. I have finally gathered the guts to put an end to a relationship that had been dead from the cradle, whose only purpose was to make me relive the trauma of separation, time after time. Have you happened to watch the series “Lucifer”, you know that the definition of Hell is a place where you relive your biggest fear permanently and repeatedly, for eternity.
Being constantly reminded of the failure that he and I encountered in pursuing that intense emotional connection because of fears and limits imposed by flawed belief systems, has constantly felt like living hell, from which I was determined to redeem myself. As of now, all my karmic debts have been paid in full, and I can walk on through life as a free person, ready to embrace my future hero.

In the series, Lucifer, the Fallen Angel, receives his wings back, and has to re-learn to accept them and to use them for the purpose for which they have been created: absolute freedom and absolute good. To do so, he must graduate from the world’s toughest exam, that of understanding he is worthy of Love and forgiveness, and allowing Love to flow freely between him and humankind… like a spring of Living Water.
When we allow Love in our lives, we learn how to use our angel wings and we can truly enjoy our freedom. We believe that freedom is something granted to us from the outside. That someone must set us free, so that we may be free. In fact, freedom means letting go. Letting go of old patterns, old beliefs, old paradigms that keep us trapped in a place of fear, hesitation and darkness. Freedom means letting go of the absence of Love.
Yesterday, during our ritual of spiritual video calling, I was explaining to my mum and sister how I had to let go of my karmic soulmate, by saying something along the lines of: “I am sorry; I love you very much, but let me be”. Instantly, my mind reminded me of some words that I have always seen written as a closing line in the articles that my wonderful mother writes on her blog, Puterea din tine.
It is the ancient Hawaiian practice of forgiveness, Ho’oponopono. It translates as “I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you”. In its Romanian translation, the meaning deepens with the inclusion of “I forgive you”, which, of course, is how one lets go of past hurts. As soon as I uttered those words, dedicating them to my ex, I felt cosmic energy filling my body and taking me to peaks of energetic release very similar to an orgasm, in that I called God’s name times and times over. While thanking him, being humbled and grateful for all the blessings I have in my life, and for all the love and support that I receive, in the pursuit of my life mission.
Therefore, my fellow friend, I hope you find the strength and courage to let go of the karma that is holding you back. The wisdom to forgive those who have hurt you, willingly or unwillingly, out of their own fears; the humbleness to ask for forgiveness for your own mistakes and fears and doubts and hesitations; the gratitude to see the lessons and to be happy you have learned them; and the freedom to love unconditionally. That will clear the path for the shared love that your Divine life partners, your tribe, are waiting to pour into your heart.
If anything, what I hope you will take with you from these ramblings of mine, is this: drink water, forgive, ask for forgiveness, be grateful, and love.


Making a parent

“Last night I realised that my mother had a 4-year-old when she was my age”. How my friend started a conversation about motherhood yesterday, a topic that has been concerning both of us for quite a while now, ever since we understood that training little humans for life is a mind-boggling business, which we must first train ourselves for. I am turning 30 in a few months, and by that age, my mum had two daughters, eight and two of age.
I have been extensively reflecting on what makes a good parent lately. Thankfully, the Universe blessed me with the most gratifying example of parenting that one could possibly hope to encounter in a lifetime. Having spent last evening in a video-call with my mum, talking about everything and nothing, keeping each other company from worlds apart, I know that my mother and I are a match made in Heaven, and I am infinitely grateful for our relationship.
One of the things that popped up in the conversation with my friend was parents making their children feel unloved and burdensome, because they are projecting their own lacks, their own ingratitude, their own unaccomplishment, their own misfortune, their own incapacity of action and they own lack of self-knowledge on their children. They live with the resentment and the constant feeling that their children are obstacles between them and the life they want to live. Now, that angered me and upset me beyond my imagination, so I asked, “Mum, have you ever felt burdened to have us?”
Obviously, the answer was no. She said that my sister and I were her safe place, her pillar, her cornerstone in times of worry and doubt, that we have contributed to whom she has become, that we are her pride and joy and she was happy to grow into her role as our mother as a natural, beautiful part of what she had to become.
My mum takes pride in remembering that ever since I was three of age, she used to engage in debates about God with me, and she made me her ally in her journey of discovering the Universe. I recall that, when I was around the age of 5 or 6, my mum was teaching, and this one time we went on a commute with an old, rusty train, to the school where her students witnessed quite a show of English nursing rhymes and poetry, directed and interpreted by myself, under my mother’s proud gaze.
When I was few months short of turning 18, I needed gynaecological investigations, and, being underage, my mum had to accompany me during the consultations. The instant the gynaecologist asked “Virgin?” was when my mum found out I had started my sex life, in what felt like an eternity to articulate the word “No”. The shame of having hidden that from her, because of the shame I had imagined I would have felt while making such confessions was so great, that I decided it was time to come clean about everything that I experience in life, because my mum is my ally and together, we will figure it all out.
Since then, my mum has witnessed tons of laughter and quite some tears, doubts and worries, plenty of epiphanies and realisations, massive growth, some slacking and hesitation, a bit of stubbornness, a lot of determination, numerous experiences, countless stories (some of which she may have not wanted to get all the juicy details about)… overall, the making of a lifetime. Each time, I felt 100% free and open to share everything, and ask for her opinion, perspective and input. She never imposed, although there were times when her opinions were stronger and firmer than others, I was always in my full power of deciding for myself and for my life. Most importantly, I felt accepted and understood.

What I came to understand about parenting is that there is not one right way of doing it, it is a fluid, ever-growing and evolving process, which requires only one thing: doing your best, for your child’s best interest. The pressure of being the perfect parent is the biggest enemy of successful parenting. You are simply expected to be there when needed, to be compassionate, to be empathic, to be grounded and firm in what the hard limits are, to be disciplined and consistent about your own expectations and behaviours, to strive towards remaining calm and composed even in stressful situations and most importantly, to be loving.
When you act from a place of love and care, doing your best comes naturally. You do not need to go above and beyond, finishing all your mental and emotional resources. When you have a burnout, you cannot do your best. When you push yourself too hard, you have already stopped doing your best, by trying to do better. You don’t need to prove your parenting skills to your kids or anyone else. All you need to do is want the best for your children and do your best to offer yourself and your children a loving, safe, nurturing environment, so that they become capable to independently decide what is best for them.
Whole libraries have been written on the topic of parenting, yet I hope to only take this lesson with me, as I build towards a life as a loving partner and loving mother: offer consistency and reciprocity in your relationships, and do nothing more and nothing less than your very best to nurture those relationships. Allow all other parameters to flow naturally in the right direction, playing along, learning along and, most importantly, loving along.



August 8. Lionsgate. A powerful portal, a free and open communication hub with the Universe, where we can place the orders of future successes and achievements. While I may have been a stranger to this concept until recently, I know enough to comprehend that such an opportunity is not to be missed.
The past few months have been particularly remarkable, in that they have taught me how to live by the principles of the Law of Attraction. While “The Secret” is no longer a secret, the technicalities of limitless abundance are still unknown to many. The first step in moving away from a scarcity mindset and into a flow of spiritual and material wealth is the readiness to ask for and then open up to the gifts that the Universe is rushing to bring you.
“We accept the love we think we deserve”, they say. We also only accept those gifts, compliments, favours, experiences and rewards we think we deserve. The lower our sense of self-worth, the more confused our inner compass, the more likely to settle for less than our merit. Undergoing emotional storms and deceptions, we start doubting our value, and drift away from our purpose and mission, failing to be grateful for the experiences and lessons.
Past December, I had asked the Universe for a tall, handsome man, who would hold my hand, kiss my forehead and be playful and easy-going. I met him. Precisely on my birthday. He was ticking boxes and getting me head over heels. I had asked. Yet I was not ready to receive my gift. I was broken, I was healing, I was not ready to open up to the possibilities that the Universe had brought. I was afraid to be vulnerable.
Being vulnerable means being open. Putting your heart on the line. Jumping head first into the unknown. Having your soul filled with the hope and anticipation of what might occur. I was not prepared to give up control and give away my heart so quickly, since I was still stitching it together after the emotional tsunami it had previously undergone.
Yet I had not realised that within vulnerability lies great courage, within hardship great resilience, within doubt great hope, within hesitation great potential. Now, I do. Now, I am ready. Ready to welcome and receive that which I want. Ready for the Ultimate Truth. Ready for the Ultimate Goal. Ready for the Ultimate Gift. Ready for the Ultimate Love.

I have come to see that, when you silence your mind just for a moment, you can listen to the Universe calling out to you. Answering to your calls. You can notice the synchronicities, the Angels communicating, confirming you are on the right path. Checking the time at precisely 11:11, 12:12, 13:13 or 14:14; having people open up to you in unexpected ways; being given the opportunity to explore new places; learning about books, movies or messages that reveal themselves to you in the most surprising manners or places.
Therefore, today, on Lionsgate, I partner up with the Universe, in creating my abundance. I can confidently state that I am ready. Ready to live the life I imagine. Ready to embrace the infinite possibilities I have to grow, to explore, to learn, to feel, to create, to love, to forgive, to receive.
I am ready to allow for the flow of things to naturally occur, being aware that I am exactly where I have to be. Knowing I am in tune with my true vibe, that I am harmonised with my purpose and heading in the right direction is a blessing for which I cannot be grateful enough.
I figured, the best way to show my appreciation for the things I receive, is to put them to good use. Now is a time for mindful action. A time for designing my own reality. A time for speaking truthfully and straightforwardly about my wants and needs. A time to admit my mistakes, to make amends and to learn from the past. A time to express gratitude and to thank the people and the experiences who have made me into the strong and beautiful woman I am today.
A time to live and cherish life’s little moments. A time to smell flowers, read books, watch movies, dance, take long walks, visit museums, drink cocktails, take photos, travel, laugh and make love. A time to be good at what I do, be competitive and focused, be determined to achieve greatness in my career. A time to find refuge and love in the arms of beautiful, kind, smart, spiritual, loving man. A time to pray, a time to meditate, a time to reflect, a time to create. A time to love.


“I am light”

Never have I been more grateful for the infinite ways in which the Universe is showing us we’re on the right path. Synchronicities, coincidences, a mobilisation of cosmic levels, put into place only for us, to indicate the way, to guide in the journey of self-accomplishment.
All that I have thus far experienced has helped me generate more strength, more wisdom, and more awareness of where I am and where I am going, only to bring me to the incredible understanding that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. That there is no reason to rush, to panic, to fret, for, I will, again and again, be arriving exactly at the point where the Universe expects me.
I have often praised Soulful Revolution, for the life-changing contribution MJ has made, to my understanding of my worth, of the many gifts that Mother Nature has showered upon me, of the many blessings I have encountered and of the many lessons that I have overcome.
This morning, listening to one of her latest readings, there was a mention of the book “The Four Agreements”, that, coincidentally, my sister has received as a gift just this past week, so I happened to have it on hand. I lost the passion for reading during my studies. I was force-fed so many theoretical articles that sucked all life and joy out of my heart, that I simply stopped enjoying it altogether, I lost the patience for it. This time however, I felt that I should grab that book and give it a shot.

One of the first phrases I read said, “I am made of light, I am made of stars”. Instantly, I was brought back to few years back, during a regression. I had just relieved one of the most emotional moments in my life, which I mentioned a while ago, of my grandpa giving me my most authentic lesson of unconditional love. My therapist, a gentle, remarkable woman, helped me realise that all that we see and perceive, is a reflection of what we are. Implicitly, I being capable of feeling unlimited love from my grandpa meant that love existed within me.
Once I understood that, I had the sudden awareness that my heart chakra was filled with light, my whole being was light. I was light. It was freeing, soothing and elevating to feel my true nature within the deepest core of my being. Nevertheless, my joy and liberation were short-lived: fear started creeping in. Fear that I would forget what I was made of.
Reading further, the book read, “Then he knew that he would soon forget all that he had learned”. Great comfort comes from understanding your own sanity, from seeing that your experience is not unique, that you can relate to other experiences, that you are part of a fascinating system, so well put into place, that it brings the messages and the clarity that is needed, once you are ready to receive, perceive and integrate them.
The biggest lesson I had to learn over the past year or so, was that of self-love. While it is still a work in progress, I have come a long way. I am now walking in pride and confidence, being grateful for the perfectly imperfect body that enables me to have sensorial experiences of the world around me. I am now uncompromising about the way in which I choose to spend my most valuable resource, my time. I am now fearlessly confronting situations that upset me, harm me, bother me or worry me, because I cherish my well-being and peace of mind.
I also learned to appreciate my most valuable trait: my open-mindedness and curiosity, my willingness to try things that are beneficial to my growth and personal improvement, while respecting my boundaries and my pace, knowing that what is meant for me will find me. What found me the other night was the information about the New Moon in Leo, an optimal time to manifest desires and co-create with the Universe.
As I was lying in bed last night, listening to a powerful mantra and performing my Prana healing, I let go of that which was no longer serving my purpose, and I opened myself to a new paradigm, the deep knowing that I am love, I deserve love and I receive love. And I am ready for it.
Counting my blessings, one by one, I know that my journey, my very existence, is an everlasting blessing of light manifesting itself in human form, and my duty is to share this light and shed it in every corner and nook of every heart that I encounter. My purpose on this Earth is to make sure that the light within my fellow humans learns how to recognize itself in the mirror of my soul. When we all accept who we are, that, my fellow friend, is when the whole world will know love.


The power of “No”

After breaking up, my high-school sweetheart and I remained on good terms, so much so, that at some point, we agreed that, come the age of 30 and we are still unmarried, we were going to marry each other, because we already knew what flaws we’d have to put up with in our partner. When you are 20, 10 years ahead seems like a long time to gain experience, learn, find your significant other, and settle down.
Now, with less than half a year to go before I turn 30, I have never been further from willing to make any compromise to my soulmate journey. I have learned to accept that romantic relationships don’t always work out, and that’s fine. We just need to pick ourselves up and know that every ending is a blessing in disguise, for it clears the path to something better, something more real, something more in tune with who we are and what we need.
Couple of days ago, I got the clear understanding that my biggest fear in life is disappointing people and turning them down. The thought that someone is dissatisfied or unhappy with my level of contribution or involvement is something that, for a long time, I simply couldn’t live with. Nevertheless, along comes the lesson, for what would the world be, if there were no cures for fear?

The past week has offered me a true masterclass in diplomacy, for I had to learn to say “no”. After loads of stress and avoidance, obviously. Moreover, in situations where I was concerned about the ways in which my refusal would affect the quality of the interaction. What’s more, I, for some reason, thought I had to once more jump in, and save a man I deeply cared for from wasting his potential, his youth, his talents – by being stuck in a place of confusion, laziness, mindless indulgence and instant gratification.
So here’s what I learned: we alone are responsible for our freedom from karmic relationships. We decide when to stop paying karmic debts, by simply understanding that we are not responsible for other’s people’s happiness and wellbeing. We alone know our boundaries, how far we can stretch and bend in order to remain comfortable with how much we’ve given, without being drained. Our duty stops at not harming anyone, and, when possible, doing good by those surrounding us.
Bending over backwards and acting against our own interest for the sake of someone else’s comfort, compromising on personal principles to accommodate people’s whims is a waste of energy and grace on our side, rather than a successful manifestation of our “Knight in shiny armour” syndrome.
We can’t save people who can’t save themselves and we certainly can’t drag someone out of their stuck energy, we can’t force someone into a vibe of gratitude and abundance, when they focus on the glass half-empty, on their misfortune and unhappiness, on utopian situations and places where they’d rather be, far from living and cherishing the present moment.
Sometimes, when we care for someone, we have the impression that being there for them, even when they hurt us, is a duty towards the history we have together, a way of paying back for what they have brought to our lives: a comfortable childhood, a chance to have a job, amazing orgasms, children. I humbly dare say that life has shown me that nothing good comes from doing “what’s right”, when our actions generate frustration and hard feelings within our hearts. We should offer a gift wholeheartedly, especially when what we offer is ourselves: our energy and our time.
It is therefore the time to say a loud and clear “no” to making others happy at the expense of our own happiness. Time to take responsibility only for the things we have consented to being responsible for. Time to practice some self-love, time to take some time away to reflect about our own wants and needs. Time to cherish the precious little present moment that the Universe is offering. Time to stop thinking about time and live a little. Time to be in the Here-Now. As we do so, our mind is creating memories to learn from, while our heart is creating wishes to manifest for the future.
Two years ago today, my Facebook feed was reading “Be present. Make love. Make tea. Avoid small talk. Embrace conversation. Buy a plant, water it. Make your bed. Make someone else’s bed. Have a smart mouth, a quick wit. Run. Make art. Create. Swim in the ocean. Swim in the rain. Take chances. Ask questions. Make mistakes. Learn. Know your worth. Love fiercely. Forgive quickly. Let go of what doesn’t make you happy. Grow”.
I still believe this is very sound advice for the weekend ahead, so be uncompromisingly happy, free and in love this weekend. Take the present moment: smell it, taste it, touch it, watch it, hold it. Don’t hold on to it. Allow it to flow. It will pay off in the long run, in an overall state of freedom, gratitude, peace and profound self-worth. And that, my fellow friend, is the recipe to love.