Manifesting with the Universe

11/11. Described as a Master number, an Angel number, a Guidance number, a Soulmate number, 11/11 is an energetic portal through which dormant potential awakes into unlimited opportunities and generates new beginnings. Its vibration indicates a passage into a new dimensional frequency, a shift towards our Higher Self and the divinity within, towards our capacity of creating, of manifesting new beginnings of harmony, abundance, conscience and love.
11/11 is a reminder of the Law of Attraction, a notice from the Universe pointing out that everything we can imagine is real. A reminder that our 3D experience, our daily reality is a product of our own making and that we have the right and the power to change what no longer serves us and welcome new experiences that grow us into who we’re meant to be.
Two weeks ago, I embarked on Deepak Chopra’s 21-day Abundance Challenge and I was surprised to discover that all it takes to turn your life around is a little practice, a constant contact with your desires, a committed training of mindfulness that starts with a realisation. That you have the immense, unhindered capability of stirring your life in the direction of your choice, and the only thing stopping you is your mind saying: “I can’t”.
Self-doubt is so ingrained into our being, that we hardly ever realise the level of self-sabotaging we expose ourselves to… were we to understand that we alone are the enemies of our success and accomplishment, we would be far more careful about the negativity we allow our egos to whisper into our minds and poison us with.

I had the chance of starting my day with an 11/11 meditation and self-awareness exercise that I would like to share with you, shall you be interested to make the best of today’s beneficial energy and fill yourself with infinite possibilities, in a few easy steps:
1. Start by free-writing for 11 minutes about everything your heart dictates, that brings joy into your life, things that exist in your present and you want to bring into your life in the future.
2. Re-read what you wrote and identify the keywords and activities that stand out.
3. Pick three of the best keywords and activities that resonate with you and write them on a distinct sheet of paper. Put your right hand on your heart and repeat for each word: “I allow myself to feel/do (your words of choice).”
4. Close your eyes and visualise for 11 minutes on what your life would look like once you welcome this beautiful energy in.
5. In light of your meditation, write a clear and brief intent for what you want to manifest into your life, in one sentence.
6. With your hands in prayer position (Anjali Mudra), thank your Higher Self: “I am One; I create my highest life where all my desires are fulfilled. Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
In the process, the three concepts that emerged as fundamental for my wellbeing and happiness were DANCE, LOVE and CONNECTION. Suddenly it dawned on me that the reason dance has become such an essential part of my life is the wonderful man I was writing about a few months back. By being such a gentle and considerate dance partner, he brought me back to my soul, helped me trust the connection established between souls in motion and triggered a profound change in my understanding of my body, of the 3D experience, and of Love.
Since I know he is reading these lines, I want him to know I am humbled and grateful for every experience he has enabled me to have, meeting him was a wonderful and transformational gift, received with much anticipation of my 30th birthday.
The life I envision to have as of today, November 11th at 11:11a.m. is one of soul-to-soul connections, of emotional transparency, of shared experiences, of togetherness, of joint contribution to the Universal Good, of celebration of life’s countless blessings, of boundless gratitude for the abundance that flows freely, in and around me. I am confident in my capacity to create this reality, I allow myself to experience love, I allow myself to grow my connections, I allow myself to dance to the sound of life happening.
It honours me to continue sharing glimpses of my journey with you, fellow friend, hoping that you will find the inner strength to silence your ego and to tell yourself “we don’t have time for this negativity”. When you realise you are worth the trouble of making a change, go ahead and embrace your deepest desires, listen to the yearnings of your heart and take that necessary leap of faith of transforming possibility into reality.
To conclude, I will share the outcome of my 11-minute free-writing, so that it may inspire you to begin your own 11/11 transformation and ascension to a higher version of yourself, where you are fearlessly moving in the direction of your dreams.
“I like to sing, dance, sit in nature, watch trees, hear birds chirp, smell the earth and the grass. My heart rejoices at the touch of small animals, birds, kids, and kind, warm and good people. I’m made happy by smiles, laughter, discovering something new, sitting in silence and being grateful for all of Universe’s gifts, for peace, for harmony, for hope, for love, for the present moment.
I like sharing good food with someone I love, telling stories, learning and exploring each other’s souls, establishing ties based on trust, balance, compassion, love, admiration, mutual support and respect; I rejoice when people open up to me and share what they feel, when they offer me the privilege of being by their side on their life’s journey. I am happy to feel useful and appreciated for my usefulness (we serve) and to experience the dignity of a profound and nurturing soul connection.
I like experiencing my body in motion, through dance, sex, passion, and dynamism, and through the senses and sensations that I am able to perceive, which make my heart and my life vibrate. I like feeling touch, hugs, physical, emotional, mental and spiritual contact, I like to enjoy life and to celebrate its gifts. I like to believe in myself, in people, in abundance and in Divine love”.


Meeting Mama Africa

Akwaba! The Akan word for “welcome”, the expression of a principle of hospitality every Ivorian I crossed paths with seems to be living by. As we were about to land, I could no longer sit still, and it had nothing to do with the 8 hours being seated on the flight. A majestic, spectacular city of Abidjan was opening in front of my eyes, with its luxuriant lagoon stretching under soothing yellow sunbeams, at sunset. I was overjoyed. I was in Africa.
Abidjan was colourful and vivid, bustling with life and possibility, yet peaceful and orderly. One of the first Ivorian spiritual mottos I learned were the words “Dieu dirige”, scribbled in white paint on the back of an orange cab. “God steers”, which is far from reassuring in traffic, yet essential when the faith of being directed onto a right path in life is one’s guiding star and source of hope. Which makes one very aware that he must cease every opportunity and make the best of every experience.
Mama Africa, a metaphor often used to describe the abundance and resourcefulness of the cradle of humanity, is the only right way to describe the rich, nurturing energy you are absorbed into, as soon as you set foot on the continent. A soft bosom of maternal love, translating into breathtaking sunrises, enchanting bird songs, tall and proud palm trees, bountiful rain, noble soil, the texture of brick-coloured ash, that fosters the most exquisite fruit one can ever hope tasting and the kindest, most welcoming people one can ever hope meeting.
Like any good mother, Africa encourages people to let go of fears and inhibitions and embrace their full potential. Whether street vendors, wood carvers, jewellers, painters, furniture makers, street chefs, filmmakers, interpreters, journalists, waiters, restaurant managers, receptionists, hairdressers, cab drivers, hostesses, conference organisers, teachers, academics, development workers, entrepreneurs, IT experts, musicians, dancers or fashionistas, Ivorians are extremely resourceful people, who, beyond their numerous talents and qualifications, also master the essential skill of getting ahead, ambitiously and proudly, despite hardships or setbacks.
This trip of course, didn’t come without the much expected life lessons and revelations. The first one was conveyed in the artisanal market, through the symbol of Ivory Coast, carved in ebony and displayed inside a shop whose vendor taught me the art of negotiation. A family of 5 elephants, aligned from big to small, representing the father, mother and their 3 calves, in order of age. I asked for the meaning behind this, and I was told that in a family, the man stands ahead, because he needs to provide for and protect his family, and has the responsibility of keeping everyone safe. “You don’t put your baby in front of you”, concluded the artist.

When your best friend does Family Constellations, you become familiar with the idea that, in a family, energies and resources are passed from parents to children, from ancestors to the newer generations, and not the other way around. In fact, any attempt to defy this natural flow is a transgression that causes much suffering and turmoil within the offender, regardless of his best intentions. Yet seeing that principle carved in wood resonated so effectively that I finally understood that each family member must take his rightful place, for that is the natural course of life.
Which leads us to lesson number two. Since the male has the natural, biological duty of providing for his family, the mating process of nearly every species consists of the male courting the female, through impressive displays of his might, whether that refers to his genetic inheritance or his capacity of building a nest or defending her, and their offspring, from intruders. Therefore, what I realised is that, in my attempt to be a strong, independent woman, I have constantly undermined most acts of service and displays of power from the men in my life, leading them to believe there was no want nor need of a man in my life.
Finally, since all good things come in threes, my understanding of my femininity required a shift of perspective. I never allowed or appreciated any flattering remarks about my physical appearance. I refused to accept that men found me beautiful or that they were aroused by my curves, because those were the things I failed to appreciate about myself. Instead, I chose to believe that they were attracted by my intelligence, my explosive positivity or my sassiness, which, in fact, have proven to scare quite a few of them off.
Nevertheless, Mama Africa was determined to put an end to that. For a long time, I was intimidated by African women, for they exude an immense confidence and a force not to be reckoned with. They don’t accept to be fooled around and disrespected, and they are not shying away from defending themselves, loud and clear. Being in Ivory Coast offered me the opportunity and the privilege of embracing my female energy. Several compliments, lunch invitations, admiring glances and marriage proposals later, I have come to accept that I can be, at once, strong and beautiful, sexy and sassy.
The greatest gift that Mama Africa showered upon me was an amazing bunch of remarkable people, whom I can now call friends, who have been nothing but loving and kind. After only a couple of days spent together, they showered me with the warmest, tightest, most comforting hugs I had the joy of experiencing, shared a homemade lunch with me, handfed me from their own food, offered me most unexpected and wonderful gifts and souvenirs that I cherish deeply, and honoured me with a local Ivorian name, Aya. All of this humbling display of care, just to show me that, wherever in the world we may be, once we open our hearts to the unexpected and embrace our true selves, we are safe and surrounded by unconditional love.


Emotional self-defense

Romanians have a superstition, according to which, if a young unmarried woman trips and falls on her knees, she will meet her soulmate and she will get married within the year. Now, for the past 4 years or so, I tripped and fell at least four or five times, and the only thing that did was to make me wonder when I had become so clumsy. That is because the men I met after each of these falls have been the kind of soulmates that bring out tough, ugly lessons about (self)love, standards and boundaries.
I took the last of these falls yesterday morning, on my way out from the metro, after having exchanged phone numbers with a man who has been very persistent in approaching me over the past month, each time we crossed paths on the platform, on our way to work. It made me realise that I may deeply be yearning for shared love and a healthy commitment, but at the same time, I am very closed off and wary of any romantic contact, for fear of being hurt.
You see, about two weeks ago I found out that my massive karmic lesson, whom I took two long years of my life to get over, was going to soon come to Belgium and would potentially want to meet me. Therefore, I embarked on an emotional rollercoaster of possible scenarios, in which I tried to break each single possibility down to the tiniest of details, in order to make sure I would get out of the experience with the least amount of hurt.
In Tarot, there is a card, the 4 of pentacles, represented by a man holding on to a coin tightly and fearfully, clutching it closely in front of his heart chakra, desperately defending some apparent feeling of security and safety that he gets from this small fortune, or else he would feel the earth running from under his feet. Soon I realised this was the energy I was channelling.
I have suffered so deeply from this past relationship, that now, not only was I terrified of meeting my ex again, but also, I was projecting this same fright onto any other potential romantic connection coming my way, for fear of encountering the same low-vibe interaction that would leave me depleted of energy and emotionally devastated. My desire to protect myself was not coming from a place of self-love, but rather, from a place of fear.

Thus, I understood that oftentimes, when we hesitate, when we protect the status quo, what we cling on to for we deem comfortably safe is actually a state of comfortably numb. We practically deter our own evolution and growth towards something better, we stop ourselves in our tracks from moving forward, because we linger onto the past hurt and disappointment, and we believe the only way to avoid learning another tough lesson on love is by avoiding love altogether.
Gladly, I have wise and rational friends, who shake me back into clear and sane reasoning. As I was exemplifying my struggles, my friend asked me a simple question: “What percentage of your expectations concerning a lifelong romantic partner are met by this guy? I am speaking about his concrete behaviours and actions, not his potential”. I soon realised he barely accounts for 20% of what I need in a relationship. My friend continued to say that, as a commitment to self-love, she had decided she would not become involved with men who score less than 80% of her standards.
In order to embrace such a strong and determined stance, it is highly necessary that we be cognizant of ourselves, inside and out, have full mastery of our emotions, and be in alignment with our intuition, and balanced in body, mind and spirit. When we act from a place of profound self-knowledge and self-acknowledgement, we can respond to our true calling, we can follow our North Star and truly use our talents and gifts purposefully, in a committed and dignified manner.
Walking away from incompatible energies that no longer serve our growth is the wisest and kindest decision we can make for our higher purpose. To make room for fresh and nourishing people and experiences in our life, we sometimes need to make the decision to break it off with the past entirely, whereas we cannot control other people’s negative behaviours, but we can control how long we participate in them.
I figured that in order to boost my personal development learning curve before I turn 30, is must learn to say “no” to the people and energies that do not meet me on the same level of emotional intelligence, spiritual evolution and height of vision. I therefore need to avoid love wastage by withdrawing my emotional investment from dead-end relationships and repurpose my resources to nurture myself, and those who appreciate the gift of love.
On a different note, a work colleague surprised me the other day, telling me she had accidentally come across my page, read and liked my articles, and urged me to promote it and increase its outreach, so that more people can benefit from the experiences I share. Therefore, fellow friend, if you count yourself among the beautiful souls who believe in the healing power of love, keep an eye for the upcoming surprises and spread the word if you enjoy reading my thoughts, so that together, we can further spread the love.


Multilingualism of love

Two years ago, my father was driving me to the airport, as I was heading out on a romantic escape, with a man whose intentions and commitment I was having some doubts about, due to what I considered a lack of communication. Therefore, I asked my dad, “Dad, how many times should a man contact a woman, in order to show that he’s interested?”
As per my father, a man should talk to his sweetheart daily, at least to check on her and to reinforce the connection. This, I believe, stretches far beyond romantic relationships; because we naturally feel an urge to talk to those we love, to feel their presence and to make sure they are doing well. Some people I communicate with on a daily basis, we text all throughout the day, sharing thoughts, jokes, concerns, epiphanies, successes or struggles.
While most men may not be great communicators, they do however make sure to be present in the lives of the people they care for, in some way or form. For instance, fathers may take their kids to classes or play with them, husbands may take their wives on dates or call to check how they are doing, and loving boyfriends might buy small gifts or send a cheesy message at precisely 3 p.m., to let their girls know they are thinking about them.
When we share a living space with the people that we care for, expressing our love in concrete, practical, even material ways is much easier to achieve, and therefore, outranking spoken or written communication in the order of priorities makes less of an impact. Nevertheless, in the case of a long distance friendship or relationship, talking takes the place of a wide range of activities that one cannot physically share, for obvious reasons.

One of my absolute favourite reads is the Little Prince and more specifically, the 21st chapter, about the encounter with the fox, who explains relationships and interactions in terms of mutual “taming”, a process of earning each other’s trust, being responsible and protective of the established connection and nurturing it in a constant and meaningful manner.
Once a specific pattern and frequency of interaction is set into place – that constitutes a foundation for the future interactions between two individuals. Without that consistency and respect for prior arrangements, as the fox of the Little Prince would put it, “I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you”. Thus, love becomes a process of reciprocal care, constant give and receive, without taking the connection for granted, yet being perpetually grateful, reassured and confident of the strong bond, because of the love and care constantly showered upon one another.
On Sunday evening, I was talking to my friend about our expectations from a relationship, and we decided to try a little experiment, in which we were going to be our own boyfriends for the next two weeks, in order to figure out what is was we wanted from our romantic partners. To me, it revolved around the idea of spending time doing meaningful and uplifting things together, as well as receiving the verbal assurance of appreciation for my contribution to the relationship. I am technically a dog; I need to be played with and be called a “good girl”.
It instantly dawned on me that it all boils down to understanding the love language of one another, being fluent in the partner’s love language. According to Gary Chapman, the author of a book called “The Five Love Languages”, we each understand or communicate love in one of the following ways: receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch. We may master each of these languages to some degree, but some will be predominant.
In this context, the conversation of two years ago with my dad quickly came to mind. Since my Freudian approach to relationships often paid off, I understood that, in fact, I had no example of such constant and committed communication with the most important man of my life, my dad. Therefore, I texted him explaining that I interact with the people closest to my heart every day, and therefore, I needed the practice and the tangible proof of fatherly love, by being in touch with him on a daily basis.
I am happy to report that today is the third consecutive day that my father texts me, bright and early, to greet me, to exchange news and thoughts and to join me in my research of things to know, sights to see and foods to try during my upcoming trip to Africa. I have to say, it makes me extremely happy to be able to share such an experience with my dad, and to further my knowledge on the many manifestations of love.
Love transpires through the little gestures that bring us closer together, create complicity and make us feel safe and accepted. Pick up the phone and text the people who mean something for you. Let them know you care for them, set up a meeting, cook a dinner or go out dancing together, tell them you appreciate their existence in your life, offer to help them with something they are struggling with, hug them, kiss them, make love to them, buy them flowers or tickets to a movie, a concert, or a game.
My fellow friend, I urge you to practice the Duolingo of human interaction. In order to solidify your status as a love polyglot and your bond with the people you love, make it your mission to spend a few moments every day learning and communicating in another language of love.


Freedom and boundaries

Of the many crazy things that my high-school history teacher used to say, one has stuck with me throughout the years: “My liberty ends where yours begins”. Simply put, we can do anything we want, as long as we do not harm the other. This, however, may not be as clear-cut as it seems.
We sometimes get stuck in the victim mentality, and we believe everything that happens to us is a given fact that we have little or no say about, and therefore must bear through it and take it for what it is. The immense amount of bad things and injustices we allow into our lives, we allow happening to us, are mainly another twisted form of fear.
We don’t challenge the status quo because we fail to see the way forward and we have no hope in the betterment of our situation. Which is precisely why we accept and obey whatever we imagine the Universe wants to put us through, not setting boundaries, not stating our position and enforcing our standards.
Being a victim is allowing and inviting the aggressor to pursue their hurtful behaviours, for lack of clarity and lack of courage to stand up for what we deserve. Which in turn comes from a lack of self-knowledge, self-awareness and self-confidence.
I remember my first meditation, when I became aware of the vastness of my aura. I had never thought or imagined that my being spreads far beyond the limits of my physical body. And there it was, surrounding me with a halo of warm light, filling the room, filling the whole town, filling the entire world and expanding into the universe. My aura. My beautiful, strong, nurturing, impeccable, divinely designed energetic field, which had the capacity to encompass everything around it. I was absolutely mesmerised.
Therefore, I understood that my liberty ends where my awareness of who I am ends, and the more distorted my self-perception is, the more I allow someone else’s liberty to fill up the available space between us. Said differently, by not being in our power, we give our power to an external source, and we then become so used to the energetic cage we trap ourselves in, that we turn completely oblivious to what our initial boundaries had been.
Many people understand karma as some kind of cosmic ass-whooping, when, in fact, karma is more of an energetic slingshot, which comes back and smacks you in the face, when you have pulled too hard and have not respected the rules of physics … or common sense. Sometimes, it is our resistance or resilience that we pull on far too hard, and karma is there to raise awareness and make us understand that being stubborn in carrying too heavy of a burden is also a form of hybris.

That is a difficult task even for the people who are doing a lot of self-work, self-healing and self-development. Sometimes, when we have awakened to our own contribution to our misery, we start re-assessing our boundaries and claiming our rights. Yet, I have seen this often lately, with the brilliant women in my life, and with myself. Once we notice something that we are displeased with or hurt by and we speak up, we immediately feel guilty or at the least uncomfortable.
My good friend tells me on a weekly basis: “I think I was mean”, and then goes ahead to describe a situation in which she had simply reinforced her own position and standards about the interaction with another person, who had clearly disregarded any boundaries. And it amazes me at times that an intelligent and introspective person as herself could ever doubt that her actions were just and justified.
The other day, my sister said the same, after having clarified her intentions concerning her own life and her decisions for the upcoming period, when she needs to invest all her energy into herself and the construction of her own path, therefore not having any to spare for the people who claim it as their legitimate right and property.
I have busted myself several times saying I was “bitchy”, when I had simply stated my standards, in full awareness that I had been very kind and considerate and that my requirements or observations were not in the slightest absurd or unfitting. Yet the fear of hurting someone else’s feelings was much stronger than the truth that I had to stand up for, although I understand it’s the only way to solve the situation which had brought me discomfort or distress, and I am grateful that I am becoming more and more committed to being self-nurturing and faithful to my truth.
On a different note, one of my recurrent reflections lately is related to the ways in which we often seek instant gratification and end up being self-harming, because we need to evade from our overall dissatisfaction with the life we live. Alcohol, drugs, excessive eating, these are all ways to award ourselves for making it through another day. I have however come to realise that true, pure happiness will never be found in things which are intrinsically harmful.
This is not to say that I will not enjoy my occasional gin and tonic, my night out or my box of chocolates. I will however be aware that instead of doing that, I might want to sit in meditation position, get to know my aura, explore my limits and my needs, act upon them and only then reward myself with a nice treat. The gratification will be all the more intense, for I will have acted from a place of strength and self-love.


Grin and bear it

Over the past few weeks, I have taken several kinds of vaccine shots to protect myself from contracting a wide variety of exotic diseases that I could potentially be exposed to, during my trip to the Ivory Coast next month.
Nevertheless, no amount of vaccination can increase your immunity to heartache and emotional hurt. Which I have had plenty of for the past two days; during which I have been continuously tested on my capacity to create my own defence and prevention mechanism to overcome emotional diseases.
As you may recall, I had enrolled for an intensive kizomba class a while ago, having vowed to get out of my comfort zone and to learn something new by the time of my 30th birthday. Of course, I assumed dance would be a fun and interactive way to meet new people and to feel more independent and more self-confident. I was excited to start doing something alone, for myself, when I got an e-mail reading something along the lines of: “This course prioritises people with partners, since you have enrolled alone, we cannot accept your application.”
I must confess that I did not take that very well, having spent my whole last evening sobbing and thinking very poorly of my social status as a single woman at the age of 30, and my incapacity to have a partner – be it even for a few hours of a dance class a week.
To add insult to injury, I found myself having to understand that sometimes, even the people closest to our heart can say or do hurtful things. Whether they do it intentionally or not, knowingly or not, we end up in situations where we are faced with two choices: feel misheard, misunderstood or misrepresented or rather calling the bluff and confronting people with their actions and words, to see if it adds up or not.
Finally, I also received a blast from the past, a surprise call from someone whom I had asked to respect me enough as to not contact me, unless they had something significant to say or a positive and enriching contribution to make to my existence. I doubt that was the case, because the phone call ended abruptly after a quick exchange of pleasantries.
I realised that the Universe has an interesting way of teaching us lessons, of shaking the unrealistic expectations to the core, of crumbling all connections built on superficial and dishonest grounds. Furthermore, it sends us ugly, distorted, unpleasant mirrors, so that we can see the ugly within and be able to remove it, like a disease that you heal from with the right treatment.
And what better medication for our soul, than some good old self-loving? I have decided that the people who want me around, have to put in the effort and investment of building meaningful, honest, straightforward, heart-warming, mind-boggling and soul-lifting connections with me, because I care enough to do the same.

I have decided that I love myself enough to not allow people to play me for a fool, to take advantage of my clean and honest feelings and intentions and taint them with their fears or hesitations, to make me feel out of place with their lies, just because they want to preserve a fake impression of strength or integrity.
A Romanian proverb says, “Water flows, rocks remain”. The closest equivalent that comes to mind is “reason, season or lifetime people”. That is to say, the people and experiences that have a weight and meaning will always linger with us, whereas the ones that are superficial and even harmful to our karmic journey will get washed away by the stream of life. I understand that my decision to walk a path of mindfulness and love might result in having very few travel companions. Gladly, the Universe will be there to strain the positive from the negative and will always make sure that I get my fair share of providential fortune, even when I may fail to see that at first.
As of now, I am walking on sunshine. Alone. Confidently, for I know that my wonderful tribe is walking right beside me, my brave and strong ancestors right behind me, whereas my heart guides me like a blessed lighthouse, towards those decisions, circumstances, situations and people that will make my life a continuous journey through Heaven on Earth.
Today, a group of wonderful women shared a most unpleasant experience with me, of a man trying to belittle them and make them feel inappropriate for simply conversing and laughing at a table next to his, in the cafeteria. My natural reaction to this unjustified absurdity was to laugh, which was welcome as a very positive and empowering attitude, for that would have defied this man’s smallness and put him in his rightful place. It reminded me of the Boggart-Banishing Spell of Harry Potter, a charm that turns one’s fear into something humorous and ridiculous, taking away its ability to terrorise.
Therefore, my fellow friend, I urge you to take yourself, your disappointments and your challenges less seriously, to poke fun and take the bright side of all that is being thrown your way, because, in the end, keeping a positive attitude and a fierce, fearless demeanour when faced with difficulties is the biggest proof of strength and self-love.


Fear of the dark

I have spent much of the past weeks wrapped up in an emotional cocoon, in a general mode of emotional self-preservation, trying to make a sense of the range of feelings I have been experiencing in the past while, trying to come to terms with my position in regards to certain situations or people.
You may recall that a while ago I was priding myself with having started to do things by myself. As with all healthy habits, that requires practice and exercise, it requires actually moving and taking an active step in that direction, even when you don’t really feel like it. Especially when you don’t feel like it.
I decided that the best solution is to pull myself out of numbness and inertia and start doing things alone again. I started looking for concerts and shows. I even attended an open dance class, which was much more fun and rewarding than I had expected. One thing we were taught was to keep a respectful distance and to allow the gap between your body and that of your partner close naturally, through organic connection.
Men greedily and inconsiderately crossing that intimacy border too soon is the main reason I never really enjoyed social dances, because I am someone who needs time, safety and reassurance before I can fully open up and welcome someone into my aura. Last weekend I had a bit of an emotional meltdown, while I was attending a Latino party.
While I was practicing my kizomba basics, I was approached by a guy who, although quite polite and friendly, was coming off as a tad too insistent and overeager, inquiring about my romantic life and trying to convince me to go out and get to know him, less than 2 minutes after we had started dancing with each other. Regardless of my general incapacity to say a firm “no” for fear of hurting other people’s feelings, for the first time in my life I knew better than to compromise.
As I walked away, I was already in tears, wondering whether I would ever meet a guy who takes accountability for his actions, who stands in his truth, who speaks straightforwardly about his intentions, who respects me and my intelligence enough not to talk in riddles, who is constant in his actions, who displays unconstrained affection, who understands that showing and expressing love won’t mean he is giving up power. Much on the contrary, that would make him much more of a man to my eyes, for he chooses to stand in his truth, to embrace love fearlessly, knowing I would be there along the way.

When I first had a birth chart reading, I was told that part of my 5th house (of love and creation) was in Pisces, sign of things which are hidden or secret. Simply put, one aspect of that meant I would have a lot of secret love stories. Much to my surprise, that has been the case most, if not all times. Which, of course, implies that you don’t truly get to establish stable and fulfilling connections with people, because something… or someone, gets in the way.
Nevertheless, the other, larger slice of my 5th house is in Aquarius, the sign of freedom, friendship and revolutionary vision. My New Year’s resolution was to shift my love paradigm and embrace love stories which bring me a sense of freedom, of friendship, of shared vision. I didn’t realise that would backfire by making me all the less patient or willing to put up with men who are dragging their feet, who are playing emotional games, who are unwilling to commit or to be blunt about their stance.
A couple of days ago I was discussing my fear of the dark with my friend, in both a physical and metaphysical sense. I went as far as to say that to me, darkness is a form of emotional suicide, because that state of “pitch black” triggers fear within me, fear that I associate with the loss of all hope, with the dissociation of existence itself. That paralysing fear of not knowing who or where you are, not knowing what you are capable of. As a reference, I warmly suggest you watch Nosso Lar.
Today, as I write this, I realise that I associate darkness with things that are hidden, with the murkiness of lie or half-truth. I like my truths right in front of my eyes, where I can see them. I am a highly positive person, I make it my goal to radiate light and warmth within and around me, so that myself and those I care for may move out of the darkness, into a place of light and hope. I am the living example of Plato’s Caveman, who has seen the light and refuses to go back into the dark. And when the others refuse to join you onto a path of light, you simply have to continue alone.
I am no longer willing to accept lukewarm people in my life. I want a travel companion who is in for the long run, who will be my partner in this journey of figuring life out, as we move confidently in harmony, in truth, in mutual respect and admiration, as we allow the other’s shadow side to come to light, as we hold each other’s hand when we deal with struggles, as we cheer for each other when we take a step forward, as we walk side by side when we need a moment alone, as we stop to contemplate the view when we need a moment to recompose or to recalibrate our compass. And most essentially, as we offer one-another free, friendly, visionary love.


Healthy mind in a healthy body

I am a few months and a few life lessons away from being a full-fledged adult. Whereas more and more people seem to believe that 30s are the new 20s, in order to justify the fact that they are far from having their life together by that age, I have come to understand that my body and my mind are absolutely determined to make life lessons much tougher to digest and much more difficult to avoid. Until I finally decide that it is time to take full accountability for my actions, walk the talk and act the part of a responsible grown-up.
Therefore, the past few days have been peppered with essential lessons on maturity, covering a wide spectrum of experiences, ranging from overcoming mindlessness, to practicing self-love, to allowing myself time to recalibrate into my higher power and my higher sense of self, and culminating with physical manifestations of my newly acquired wisdom.
It all started last Thursday night, when I drank much more than I would like to admit. My fellow trainee and I decided that our reunion called for celebration, which we have certainly overdone. It was fun, don’t get me wrong, but as I tried to drift into sleep, I could feel my body aching in the agony and confusion of why I had mistreated it and desacralized it in such a vile and cowardly manner.
Waking up hungover, I realised I had to go the extra mile to apologise and fix the harm done, wondering what was inside of me that I had tried to kill with alcohol the previous night. I pampered and mothered myself all throughout the weekend. Drinking tons of water, getting myself nice, copious breakfasts and hearty lunches (which I would have skipped otherwise), rewarding myself with organic teas and natural smoothies and juices.
I have come to realise that my body needs the same amount of care, consideration and affection on every given day; the same awareness, the same cautiousness and mindful treatment that I only thought of giving it at a time of extreme crisis. The Latins had figured a healthy mind could only exist in a healthy body, lesson they probably learned from their excessive lifestyles.

Self-nurture is essential to survival and it comes in many shapes and forms. Knowing our own limits is a matter of trial and error and learning from one’s mistakes, yet sometimes mistakes seem to perpetuate themselves and end up hurting us, as many times as it takes, as often as necessary for us to understand that we must exit certain patterns of behaviour, for our own sake and our own integrity.
When our bodies start demanding their right to healthy food, healthy sleep schedules, a healthy work-life balance, it is a sign that we have caused severe pain and trauma, which we must absolutely refrain from and redeem ourselves from, in order to continue functioning. To mark the graduation from this important learning cycle, my body has rewarded me with yet another wisdom tooth, keeping me pinned to my bed and forcing me to give it the much-deserved rest it needed.
Today, my fellow friend, I invite you to spend a few quiet moments with yourself, to listen to what your body has to say. To become aware of its wants and needs, of its pains, sorrows and hurts. Take a while to understand how your lifestyle and choices affect this fragile casing of flesh and bones that your very soul resides in, the well-being of which your very existence depends on. Give yourself the opportunity to connect with your humanity, with your vulnerability, with the fact that you are ephemeral and therefore, you need safety, protection, love and care.
Be mindful of your body, so that you may consequently push the boundaries of your mind. The healthier your body is, the healthier your mind will grow to be. Offer yourself the gift of peace; offer yourself the rest, the love, the time and space that you need, the seclusion, the company, the comfort, the pampering that you need to feel happy and balanced. Have the experiences and make the decisions for the sake of which your body, mind and spirit agree to come in alignment.
Don’t give in to peer pressure, don’t compromise on your standards for the sake of fitting into anyone’s expectations. Don’t be afraid to say “no” and to stop when your boundaries and limits have been crossed, even when the one trespassing or pushing you into unbalance is your own self. Don’t hesitate to reinforce your personal limits, in order to maintain the harmonious co-existence of your human body and divine spirit.
If you ever feel you are “too old for this shit”, you probably are. Yet that has nothing to do with your biological age. It simply means you are experienced and wise enough to act in your best interest, being aware of the consequences of your actions and taking accountability for those actions that cause you pain. In other words, age is but a number. The number of the mistakes you made, of the lessons you learned, of the experiences you had and of the times you decided to act from a place of self-love.


Living Water

Each morning, I start my day by gulping down two or three glasses of water, I continue by drinking nearly a full bottle throughout my workday, make sure to thoroughly hydrate once I get back home from work and once more before going to bed. Interestingly enough, I have come to learn that the people closest to me have the same water drinking patterns.
Now, water is scientifically indispensable to life, and I was happy to know that my tribe is aware just how important water is to sustaining their vitality. Suddenly, it dawned on me that, in Romanian folktales, when the antihero defeats the hero; a compassionate soul (generally the princess) pours Living Water onto his remains, bringing him back to life, so that he may successfully fulfil his life mission, that of defeating the evil forces and freeing those in need.
Apparently, the Living Water is a biblical concept, which loosely refers to God, as a “spring of living water”. As you may well be aware by now, I am a firm believer that God is Love. If God is Love, and Living Water is God… you do the maths. The equation, therefore, can be translated as: when we love someone truly, our love offers them the necessary life force to accomplish their purpose on Earth. Through love, we support each other in being better humans and being better ourselves.
When people are out of touch with their purpose, when they are not striving for their betterment and for being of service to humanity, they greedily drink the Living Water, without understanding its value, without appreciating its refreshing, renewing, empowering force. That is, when, my fellow friend, your story must find a new hero, who will live up to his challenge of fighting evil by your side.
The past week has been one of profound karmic cleansing. I have finally gathered the guts to put an end to a relationship that had been dead from the cradle, whose only purpose was to make me relive the trauma of separation, time after time. Have you happened to watch the series “Lucifer”, you know that the definition of Hell is a place where you relive your biggest fear permanently and repeatedly, for eternity.
Being constantly reminded of the failure that he and I encountered in pursuing that intense emotional connection because of fears and limits imposed by flawed belief systems, has constantly felt like living hell, from which I was determined to redeem myself. As of now, all my karmic debts have been paid in full, and I can walk on through life as a free person, ready to embrace my future hero.

In the series, Lucifer, the Fallen Angel, receives his wings back, and has to re-learn to accept them and to use them for the purpose for which they have been created: absolute freedom and absolute good. To do so, he must graduate from the world’s toughest exam, that of understanding he is worthy of Love and forgiveness, and allowing Love to flow freely between him and humankind… like a spring of Living Water.
When we allow Love in our lives, we learn how to use our angel wings and we can truly enjoy our freedom. We believe that freedom is something granted to us from the outside. That someone must set us free, so that we may be free. In fact, freedom means letting go. Letting go of old patterns, old beliefs, old paradigms that keep us trapped in a place of fear, hesitation and darkness. Freedom means letting go of the absence of Love.
Yesterday, during our ritual of spiritual video calling, I was explaining to my mum and sister how I had to let go of my karmic soulmate, by saying something along the lines of: “I am sorry; I love you very much, but let me be”. Instantly, my mind reminded me of some words that I have always seen written as a closing line in the articles that my wonderful mother writes on her blog, Puterea din tine.
It is the ancient Hawaiian practice of forgiveness, Ho’oponopono. It translates as “I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you”. In its Romanian translation, the meaning deepens with the inclusion of “I forgive you”, which, of course, is how one lets go of past hurts. As soon as I uttered those words, dedicating them to my ex, I felt cosmic energy filling my body and taking me to peaks of energetic release very similar to an orgasm, in that I called God’s name times and times over. While thanking him, being humbled and grateful for all the blessings I have in my life, and for all the love and support that I receive, in the pursuit of my life mission.
Therefore, my fellow friend, I hope you find the strength and courage to let go of the karma that is holding you back. The wisdom to forgive those who have hurt you, willingly or unwillingly, out of their own fears; the humbleness to ask for forgiveness for your own mistakes and fears and doubts and hesitations; the gratitude to see the lessons and to be happy you have learned them; and the freedom to love unconditionally. That will clear the path for the shared love that your Divine life partners, your tribe, are waiting to pour into your heart.
If anything, what I hope you will take with you from these ramblings of mine, is this: drink water, forgive, ask for forgiveness, be grateful, and love.


Making a parent

“Last night I realised that my mother had a 4-year-old when she was my age”. How my friend started a conversation about motherhood yesterday, a topic that has been concerning both of us for quite a while now, ever since we understood that training little humans for life is a mind-boggling business, which we must first train ourselves for. I am turning 30 in a few months, and by that age, my mum had two daughters, eight and two of age.
I have been extensively reflecting on what makes a good parent lately. Thankfully, the Universe blessed me with the most gratifying example of parenting that one could possibly hope to encounter in a lifetime. Having spent last evening in a video-call with my mum, talking about everything and nothing, keeping each other company from worlds apart, I know that my mother and I are a match made in Heaven, and I am infinitely grateful for our relationship.
One of the things that popped up in the conversation with my friend was parents making their children feel unloved and burdensome, because they are projecting their own lacks, their own ingratitude, their own unaccomplishment, their own misfortune, their own incapacity of action and they own lack of self-knowledge on their children. They live with the resentment and the constant feeling that their children are obstacles between them and the life they want to live. Now, that angered me and upset me beyond my imagination, so I asked, “Mum, have you ever felt burdened to have us?”
Obviously, the answer was no. She said that my sister and I were her safe place, her pillar, her cornerstone in times of worry and doubt, that we have contributed to whom she has become, that we are her pride and joy and she was happy to grow into her role as our mother as a natural, beautiful part of what she had to become.
My mum takes pride in remembering that ever since I was three of age, she used to engage in debates about God with me, and she made me her ally in her journey of discovering the Universe. I recall that, when I was around the age of 5 or 6, my mum was teaching, and this one time we went on a commute with an old, rusty train, to the school where her students witnessed quite a show of English nursing rhymes and poetry, directed and interpreted by myself, under my mother’s proud gaze.
When I was few months short of turning 18, I needed gynaecological investigations, and, being underage, my mum had to accompany me during the consultations. The instant the gynaecologist asked “Virgin?” was when my mum found out I had started my sex life, in what felt like an eternity to articulate the word “No”. The shame of having hidden that from her, because of the shame I had imagined I would have felt while making such confessions was so great, that I decided it was time to come clean about everything that I experience in life, because my mum is my ally and together, we will figure it all out.
Since then, my mum has witnessed tons of laughter and quite some tears, doubts and worries, plenty of epiphanies and realisations, massive growth, some slacking and hesitation, a bit of stubbornness, a lot of determination, numerous experiences, countless stories (some of which she may have not wanted to get all the juicy details about)… overall, the making of a lifetime. Each time, I felt 100% free and open to share everything, and ask for her opinion, perspective and input. She never imposed, although there were times when her opinions were stronger and firmer than others, I was always in my full power of deciding for myself and for my life. Most importantly, I felt accepted and understood.

What I came to understand about parenting is that there is not one right way of doing it, it is a fluid, ever-growing and evolving process, which requires only one thing: doing your best, for your child’s best interest. The pressure of being the perfect parent is the biggest enemy of successful parenting. You are simply expected to be there when needed, to be compassionate, to be empathic, to be grounded and firm in what the hard limits are, to be disciplined and consistent about your own expectations and behaviours, to strive towards remaining calm and composed even in stressful situations and most importantly, to be loving.
When you act from a place of love and care, doing your best comes naturally. You do not need to go above and beyond, finishing all your mental and emotional resources. When you have a burnout, you cannot do your best. When you push yourself too hard, you have already stopped doing your best, by trying to do better. You don’t need to prove your parenting skills to your kids or anyone else. All you need to do is want the best for your children and do your best to offer yourself and your children a loving, safe, nurturing environment, so that they become capable to independently decide what is best for them.
Whole libraries have been written on the topic of parenting, yet I hope to only take this lesson with me, as I build towards a life as a loving partner and loving mother: offer consistency and reciprocity in your relationships, and do nothing more and nothing less than your very best to nurture those relationships. Allow all other parameters to flow naturally in the right direction, playing along, learning along and, most importantly, loving along.